Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
