ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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