Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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