There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
