Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
