I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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