he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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