so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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