R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
