If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
