Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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