i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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