How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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