He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have post one night stand depression
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