he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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