So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
