I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
