i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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