If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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