new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
