we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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