I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
