yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
pray to the hookup gods
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize