I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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