After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
