what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
