I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
