New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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