I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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