Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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