I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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