It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
