I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
