And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
