the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
