Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
