an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
