What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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