a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
