he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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