Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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