There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
