i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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