He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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