PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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