I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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