Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
