So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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