i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize