the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
