Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

(256): View more from Alabama

Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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(256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd

Replies (54) Good night (5042) Bad night (780)
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(727): View more from Florida

but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something

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(727): but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something http://tfl.nu/beva

Replies (14) Good night (805) Bad night (2355)
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(630): View more from Illinois

why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?

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(630): why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt? http://tfl.nu/7oa6

Replies (97) Good night (664) Bad night (4142)
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(248): View more from Michigan

i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

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(248): i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding. http://tfl.nu/2d2l

Replies (35) Good night (1582) Bad night (6559)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

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(931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h

Replies (46) Good night (14325) Bad night (2049)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man

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(502): At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man http://tfl.nu/m2kp

Replies (12) Good night (3070) Bad night (878)
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(248): View more from Michigan

That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

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(248): That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that. http://tfl.nu/u3z8

Replies (7) Good night (2302) Bad night (1361)
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(416): View more from Toronto

We were fucking at break-dick speeds.

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(416): We were fucking at break-dick speeds. http://tfl.nu/i1r9

Replies (15) Good night (1876) Bad night (610)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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(202): When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle. (202): We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon http://tfl.nu/62rc

Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (468)
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(585): View more from New York

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm

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(585): Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm http://tfl.nu/bhwz

Replies (9) Good night (560) Bad night (3376)
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(602): View more from Arizona

It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.

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(602): It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart. http://tfl.nu/zh66

Replies (4) Good night (489) Bad night (976)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

Thats why they were on the balcony!

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(250): i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was (1-250): Thats why they were on the balcony! http://tfl.nu/y0xc

Replies (0) Good night (1403) Bad night (354)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.

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(320): I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice. http://tfl.nu/yhhi

Replies (6) Good night (1275) Bad night (323)
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(802): View more from Vermont

You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.

(1-802): View more from Vermont

A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.

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(802): You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars. (1-802): A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning. http://tfl.nu/iq00

Replies (6) Good night (1671) Bad night (435)
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(310): View more from California

I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...

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(310): I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now... http://tfl.nu/9bsa

Replies (2) Good night (623) Bad night (268)

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