Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..