farters have to be the big spoon...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
25 Facts Men Donâ€™t Know About Women Until They Live Together
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.