You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches