I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
