You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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