FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
