He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
