Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
