from now on my penis is your penis
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
