he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
