I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
