I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
