the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that