she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
