Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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