Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
