I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
