In the future we'll all be gay
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
