White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
