when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
