Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
