But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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