I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
