when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
