She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
