call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
